| Hmm |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  worried | ] |
I think Matt's lost interest in me. :[
Something tells me he may break up with me soon.
Err i hate myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  Frustrated/shy/hated | ] |
I found everything i needed in letting go of what i thought i wanted...
"It takes an hour to get to know someone, a day to love someone, but an entire lifetime to forget someone."
enough said |
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| Sorry matt... |
[Jun. 14th, 2006|01:45 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | depressed | ] |
I've realized love is nonexistant.
But its something i want so bad.
Im like crying now. because i hurt
myself this time. err. Just shoot me
in the head please. But I see what
Mike and Cayla have...and I want that
Ick. Yea..Matts right and all. I am
moving to fast.
Matt kick me in the face for that. |
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| I Love Hacking onto peoples SN's that i hate: |
[Jun. 14th, 2006|01:15 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  devious | ] |
SHS112JV (9:21:18 PM): Who are you?
SHSlifter05 (9:21:43 PM): Wouldnt you like to know faggot
SHS112JV (9:22:01 PM): who the fuck do you think you are talkin to me like that.
SHSlifter05 (9:22:20 PM): O you make me laugh so hard. This is great
SHSlifter05 (9:22:39 PM): So pretty much...im gonna ruine you both
SHSlifter05 (9:23:06 PM): Yea...i heard you make out with bitches now
SHS112JV (9:23:41 PM): wtf are you talking about?
SHSlifter05 (9:23:54 PM): You made out with three chick you fucking lesbian
SHS112JV (9:24:45 PM): what the fuck?
SHSlifter05 (9:25:29 PM): Morgan is a whore.. She fucks anything with a dick...or a pussy. and you..dont even get me started
SHS112JV (9:25:59 PM): wtf are you talking about? you dont know shit about me
SHSlifter05 (9:26:24 PM): I know everything about you baby.
SHS112JV (9:27:54 PM): tell me something no one else would know.
SHSlifter05 (9:28:14 PM): I know who you had sex with...but everyone knows that
SHS112JV (9:28:41 PM): tell me something else that only ppl who know all about me know.
SHSlifter05 (9:29:04 PM): ha ha no cuntfuck then youll know who i am
SHSlifter05 (9:29:38 PM): im not stupid
SHSlifter05 (9:30:24 PM): hmm lost for words are we?
SHSlifter05 (9:30:48 PM): I wanna kick you in the face with a golf cleat. I hate you and
morgan sooo fucking much
SHSlifter05 (9:31:09 PM): then i wanna karate kick you in the throat with an ice skate
SHS112JV (9:31:20 PM): omfg ... do you wanna box me too?
SHSlifter05 (9:31:46 PM): Box blah HA. Nigger your no match for me. I eat bitches like you for breakfast. Id Make your stupid ass bit the curb then stomp your face in
SHSlifter05 (9:32:56 PM): ill fuck your shit up
SHSlifter05 (9:33:09 PM): o and i heard you like it in the ass
SHSlifter05 (9:33:16 PM): True. No?
SHS112JV (9:33:26 PM): umm no that's fuckin gross.
SHSlifter05 (9:33:44 PM): Sure. Your a little butt slut. You fuck 7 foot dildos dont you?
SHSlifter05 (9:34:37 PM): Morgan hits it from the back with a 7 foot dildo while you eat out your mom. :] yes. its true
SHSlifter05 (9:38:34 PM): ha ha fuck you you snicker licker pussy loving cunt. im out |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|10:31 pm] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | Buckcherry-Crazy Bitch | ] |
Daytona Show with My Boy Christian Niggas.
Whos going with me?
PS. For some reason i get the feeling that matts mad at me
or like..annoyed or something. Err i hate that.
I need to buy esp when i go shopping with andy
for a new life. :[
Buckcherry-Crazy Bitch
All right!
Break me down, you got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud, getting fuckin' laid
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Take it ALL, the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night paid in full, uh
You're so fine, it won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Get the video
Fuck you so good
Get the video
Fuck you so good
Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy...bitch
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back, come on
Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star
You'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy
But I like the way you fuck me
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
You keep me right on
You're crazy
But I like the way you fuck me |
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| Spice girls... |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|04:53 am] |
need to have a concert in J-ville.
That be gnarly |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|02:31 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | loved | ] |
Im sorry to everyone that i lay my problems upon. [matt]
Matt is so perfect. He Always makes me feel so much better when i know ive screwed something up or when i have a stupid thought...like when i had that dream about him cheating....he makes me feel silly, but in a good way. I know hes a good guy and an amazing boy friend.
I hope that we will be together for a while. I care about him with every morsal of my being. He is the reason for my existance. I have fallin in love with him so hard and so fast.
I feel like an ass for thinking anything wrong about him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|08:30 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | moody | ] |
So I miss him.
I cant get him off my mind
I feel sorta like a stalker
but i like him sooo much.
:[
I want his kisses |
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| Why im wierd lol |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|02:08 am] |
| [ | Where is you at nigga |
| | Bedroomizzel | ] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | Austin Powers | ] |
Searching deep inside myself all i can find is hate for myself. All I can find are the negative things in the people that mean the most to me. So for example....I get so hurt over how shy Matt is. In a way i feel as if he is loosing intrest in me, but i know in my heart he is just a sweet shy boy. Maybe i expect to much of people and maybe thats wy im so depressed. Sometimes i wish i didnt care so much. These are the times that i look to the lord for guidence and hope that he will show me how to work my inner-conflicts out. |
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| My Poems. |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|12:30 pm] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | creative | ] |
He is my inspiration:
You Are
You are the epic
I am the page
You are the show
I am the stage
You are the shooter
I am the gun
You are the stars
After the sun
You are the hope
When all else fails
You are the wind
That fills my sails
You put the beat
to my heart
I knew its what I wanted
From the start
You are the moon
In the night
You are the sun
That brings me light
You are the song
That fills my ears
You are the joy
That brings me tears
You make me smile
And my heart skip a beat.
You make me happy
And sweet me off my feet.
I will love you...
As long as i can dream
As long as i can think
As long as i have a memory
I will love you
As long as i have eyes to see
& ears to hear
& lips to speak
I will love you
As loong as i have...
A heart to feel
A soul stirring within me
An imagination to hold you
I will love you
As long as there is time
As long as there is love
As long as there is you
As long as i have a breath
To speak your name
I will love you
Because I love you more
Than anything in all the world
my black veil i cannot remove
its hard to reveal my feelings for you
its hard to show you who i am
for i am but a coward
too afraid of what you may say or what you might think
i have fallen but you dont know
this black veil that i wear hides me
for with this veil i feel safe
free from heart break.
if i remove my veil and show you the face i hide and the feelings i conseal
will you accept me?
will you also remove yours and let your feelings show?
I want to remove this veil and step out into the light..but will you reject me?
push me back into the dark pits of my heart?
back to self-loathing?
for this is the burdon i bear and why i feel as if i will wear this veil till the day i step forth into the eternal light
for now we will remain friends andi will bear this burdon till my end
thine eyes are so deep,
thy smile so sweet,
thy heart so pure,
from joy i weep....
i love thee more than you will ever know,
i couldnt tell you,
how could i ever be that bold....
you are thy light in my life,
and my tru love,
you were truely sent from the god above |
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| Matt |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|02:19 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | loved | ] |
Today/Night was amazing. Matt came over and hung out with me. We watched ghostbusters went for a walk and stuck a 4 sale sign on the golf course, went to a house thats being built and stole some tape stuff & and kissed :] :] :]. then we came back to my house and cuddeled while my dad was @ karry-o-key lol. Halloween: The Curse is weird. But whatever....we were watching that when he asked me out and we kissed some more lol @ my dumb ass, but im falling hard and fast for that boy. and O ILH lips. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|01:00 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | loved | ] |
Today/Night was amazing. Matt came over and hung out with me. We watched ghostbusters went for a walk and stuck a 4 sale sign on the golf course, went to a house thats being built and stole some tape stuff & and kissed :] :] :]. then we came back to my house and cuddeled while my dad was @ karry-o-key lol. Halloween: The Curse is weird. But whatever....we were watching that when he asked me out and we kissed some more lol @ my dumb ass, but im falling hard and fast for that boy. and O ILH lips. |
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| 666...IM NOT DEAD!! YAY |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|01:14 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | ecstatic | ] |
My 666 was amazing. I chilled with Matt<3, Kyle, Kai, Chris Mitchell, Chris ?, Christian and Another guy. Kai & I bought chinese and ate in the woods with Matt Kyle and Chris, but faggot ass christian jacked it [he thought it was chris's] PS chris is a fuckin douch bag.......well anyways we ate our food and walked to the store and got energy drinks. :] Yummie @ full throttle. The best thing of my life happened...Matt and I held hands..Lame i know but something about that boy makes my heart race. :] |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|11:59 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | Friggin confuzzizled | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | Nicks ANNOYING voice | ] |
Gawd. This week needs to end soon. I just got my phone taken away for reading a friggin text message. HOW GAY! Lilly needs to die soon. Hes a douch bag. BTW I dont know whats going on with me and mikey right now but i doubt we are going to last long because I live so far away. it makes me so depressed. NICK IS A SLUT and he needs to get over himself. Hes definatly trying to hook up with amanda ivy. WTF is up with that. Im totaly sick of him messing with Jessica. If he wants to mess with jessica like hes going out with her then he needs to choose. Jessica Or Other girls. Ive come to realize that hes not that good of a person or a friend anymore. Its breaking my heart. I cant deal with anymore of this drama BS. I punched a wall and brused my nuckels but at least it wasnt lillys face or nicks.
I got this text earlier to, From Freddy and he was askin me if i really liked mikey. DER. I woulndt tell him i love him if i didnt. Im kinda worried were not gonna work out. :[
NICK NEEDS TO SHUT UP NOW!!!
Mrs. jones is an UBER BITCH!
Why does nick keep acting like a man whore? GAWD im so mad at the way hes treating jessica. But tonight me jessica and Annie are going to the boardwalk and meeting up with Mikey, Freddy, Jessie, Dj, ross, and a few more. but i hope all goes well.....*sigh* |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|10:55 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | so/so | ] |
IVE CREATED A MONSTER!
I told nick to tell jessica how he felt and I think I gave him the idea to break up with her. I DIDNT MEAN TO IMPLY THAT! omgoodness. Drama. I hope this doesnt affect our friendship if she thinks It was all me. AHHH im scared now. I hope nick at least becomes happier. He was pretty depressed. I dont know anymore.
But OK so today I met a few new people. Mitch and Mic and another guy but I cant recall his name sadly. I havent said anything bad today [as in sware words] so i guess im doing good then. I went and hung out with Whitney today again and shes becomeing my really good friend. Im Finally happy that im sorrounding myself with better influences. : ]. Like Relient K said Who I am Hates who Ive been. That is totaly my song now. Because now that Im bettering myself i look back and realize all the wrong that Ive done and WHO I AM now HATES WHO IVE BEEN in the past. So It all works out. "SO WE FIX OUR EYES NOT ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. FOR WHAT IS UNSEEN IS ETERNAL" That is what im trying to live by [when it comes to others] because ive come to realize that what counts is what is on the inside. Looks arent important anymore. "ACCEPT ON ANOTHER, THEN AS CHRIST ACCEPTED YOU IN ORDER TO BRING PRAISE TO GOD."
Random thought:
My uterus hurts.
I MUST PEE
Sean gotted his car towed : [
I hope nick and jessie work everything out
I always gotta pee lol
Jayson is a walking contradicton
I think "shes" a lesbian
NIPS!
That lunch was yummy.
Mic looks 8
I need to get a job/and a car
Tippin on four fours.
PAULA WALL!
Ima gangsta
Hmm brake.
Mhmmm
I want that cd^
Dino RAWR!
Socrates is a pervert
I need a good CHRISTIAN boyfriend
Ima Dumb christain and i dont know anything about the B.I.B.L.E
But the bible is my best friend anywho
Nick is a cutie-pa-tootie
I really dont like matt smith
OK IM DONE! |
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| *sigh* Jayson |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|11:27 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | Unloved By Jayson | ] |
well I guess that Jayson is a flirt.
Hopefully we can hang out this weekend and have a jolly good time lol.
But on a different subject: I wanted to talk to danni today but she is home sick. I hope she feels better soon.
Last night I went to Riverbend church and had a blast. Whitney took me to her house after school and got ready. Then we went and ate Chrispers...omgoodness it was amazing lol. Then we headed to church and waited for brice danni and ryan to show up. About 30 min before the sermon Jess and Laurel showed up. I was totaly depressed the WHOLE NIGHT because They like Jayson and i know that he would prolly like them more than me. : [
My Mom dropped Ryan at his house and I went home and went to bed. *sigh* My life really is a bore.
Tonight im gonna try to gradually find out if jayson likes me...im pathetic, but i just wanna know SOOO bad! AHH im makein myself depressed AGAIN! Boys=drama. So i guess im out for now.
PS.
Random thoughts for today:
Taco!
Gross banana peal in the back of shawns truck...eww
Anika is mean
Hippo doesnt know itsa biter
CURB YOUR DOG
Ill Riverdance you!
Which mcdonalds?THE BRITISH ONE lol
Danni and i need to go shoppin at the dollar store SOON
I hope one day ill morph into a unifly lol
i over use lol
mmmmmmmm bacon
I wonder if coach will let me use the bathroom!!!!
Silly wabbit Trix are for kids
Brice should be an olympic pole vaulter
Does anyone read this.
GOAT! are you happy now?
FFA people are self centered.
Bryan looks like an over grown yard nome tee hee
I CAN TOTALY SEE THAT GIRLS NIPPLE RINGS...Gross out.
I have 3 ocd's and they annoy me
ok im really done know |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|11:03 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | The rattling of my "brain." | ] |
Ahh *sigh* That Whole David thig didnt work out at all!!! It makes me so mad when a guy leads you on. GERRR. He had the nerve to say "wait for me" PFFF no I will not subject myself to that. But whatever. I have a new group of friends that make me feel welecome. Whitney and Jayson are totaly awesome friends and Im going to church with them tonight :]. PS. Jayson is a hottie and totaly sweet. MHMMM
So Now its time for the infomous Randomness of amber.
Harvey duck is a great band. I cant wait to go to church. Zebras are always in style. What are loafers. Jesus is my homegirl lol. Are light bright and rainbow bright the same thing?? Rawr.
Nick is lookin awfuly weird.&& he needs to do something with his hair. Does your hair grow when your in heaven?
Steph just looked at me and stuck her tongue out randomly lolzers.
So im done with that...it was kinda lame btw. NICK DOESNT LIKE JAYSON!!!! omgeeze. Im waiting for him to reply.
*tick tock tick tock tick tock*
Ok so he wrote that "hes weird. I just dont like him because hes immature and not trying to be jerks me shawn and jesse laugh at everything he says because hes in our history class. Hes just weird."
That makes me rally upset...why cant people just except others for the differences and celebrate the fact that he is a wonderfly nice person. AHH i dont want to fight...it just makes me upset and confused. So i guess that means im going to go into one of my rants...here I go now.
So People cannot except the fact that god created us all as unique individuals. It hurts seeing someone you know become targeted because they stand out. Mhmm it hurts more when both parties are your friends. So what do you do when this happens? Tell the one whos picking on the other how you feel. Im trying to become a better christian myself and I find at times myself contradicting this but Hey...im working on it. I love both people and i hate seein one being hurt or hurting someone. *sigh* I just wanna look out and protect everyone. But Yea im confused. If God wants his children to be happy why does hate and pain exist? I guess its something i will never know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|12:11 pm] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | unloved | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | coach swartz talkin about amanda on da phone | ] |
Its kinda crazy to think that in ONE year im gonna be at boot camp (Parris Island) For the United States Marine corps. I dunno...But Im excited. The only thing im totaly worried about is the crucible. 3 days with a total of 4 hours of sleep....WHOA NELLY! Ive started to train my mind and body to the harsh physical and emotional straint thats gonna be forced upon me. Im willing to commit myself 100%. *sigh* Its just not comeing fast enough. I just wanna get out of here away from boys and DRAMA!
So yea. Me and Brenden are no more. I broke up with him to avoid conflict from others. He still sent me flowers for valentines day (so sweet)...he asked me back out.. I was gonna tell him that I wanted to start seein him again yesterday but he went off and told my friend chelsea that he liked her. Um..OUCH! THEN to top it off, David Kennedy said he liked me and we've been talkin for a week now as friends. He knows that i like him to. but yea...TO TOP IT ALL OFF, he failed to mention that he had a friggin GIRLFRIEND! All it is, is drama. Well i really dont care anymore.
ROFL. Ok just a random thought popped into my head. So ive been riding with jessica to and from school all week. Just about every day now something has happend. Like the very first day she drove me home from school we about rear ended a simi, Almost got side swiped and i ended walking all the way to publix from her house...GERRR her mom pisses me off. So the second day, 35 in reverse && almost hittin shawns truck, Nearly got rear ended by a van and came shockingly close to hitting a dog.
BTW shes a good driver over all.
Ashlee, Brit, Angie and Jazzie....well me to of course.= Biffels forever.....
David Weaver and David Eastly have asked me out already. Tee hee hee i find it entertaining. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|10:46 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| |  confused | ] |
ok so today I was in the hall and saw justin and chris...well...kinda got jumped for a friggin dollar. BTW.
2nd block was pretty cool. I was talking to david kennedy and we were writing poems back and forth. Hes an amazing writer when he wants to be...he helps me get over my writers block lol. I think he kinda likes me...but its ok cuz i kinda like him to, but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Its bettween me and my LJ ha ha ha.
OK so officialy my webjay roxs your face. I totaly put led zepplin, boston, ac/dc, iron maiden, warrent, guns n' roses, Collective soul, |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|12:45 am] |
| [ | How are you feeling Today: |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | Sound Track to my Soul |
| | Little Big Town- Boondocks | ] |
I Stayed Home From School Today cuz I wasnt feeling too well. So after Brenden got off school he called me and told me about big john and doug starting shit with him today. It really pisses me off. Gerr. Why are they doing this? Why cant they make everything easy for all of us and just leave me and brenden alone? |
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